November is  Women Abuse Prevention Month 

Campaigns and local activities in November and December to increase public awareness of violence against women The White Ribbon Campaign 16 Days of Activism Against Gender Violence Campaign International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women – November 25th National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women – December 6th YWCA Rose Button Campaign – December 6th Neighbours, Friends and Families Campaign EqualityRules Campaign

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Here I Am…This is Me

 Poem by Sandy Moore

Here I am…this is me, often down on bended knee

With a wounded heart that's beginning to heal, deep inside, a beautiful soul that's learning to feel

How could I know who I was, submerged in the needs of others

Striving to answer the ongoing call of being a caring mother

Trying to be the perfect, dutiful wife, daughter and friend, never quite making it in the end

Giving in…wanting out; craving more…feeling less, the confusing, continuing search for happiness

Allowing myself to trust people, places and things that weren't good for me

Going deeper and deeper into insanity

My innocence, dignity, power, self-worth and trust were taken away by others' lust

The abuse started so long ago, I'm just remembering when

The walls of "good girl", "be nice", "don't ever tell", started caving in

Physically, mentally, spiritually, sexually, emotionally all amiss

Staying in relationships that definitely patterned this

I seemed to try to so hard, but it was always my fault,

From a fearful little girl to a middle-aged adult

For so many years I deserved it, that's what I was told

No one else would want me, I was getting old

"Do what I do", "Say what I say", why did it feel so bad   

The head of the house was angry, and I was going mad

Why was I the one to feel so much guilt and shame

Was he ever going to be accountable or take any of the blame

Secrets, lies, denial tainted the holy bliss

Not what I signed up for…No, not any of this

Anger dwelled deep within, what else could I do to make it hide

Smiling on the outside… slowly dying inside

Keep everything hidden, don't tell a soul

Until my broken spirit and shattered dreams could not remain whole

Living became too painful, too much of a task, nowhere to go, no one to ask

The only way out was to close the door on my God-given life that was meant to be more

But I couldn't leave my children; they were all that I had

Death was so final, life couldn't be that bad

Given one last chance I chose to surrender

To rest in the tender arms of a loving God, my Defender

With renewed hope, answered prayers, support from doctors

Counselors, family and friends, I am beginning to discover

 I do have a self that's desiring to be its' very own lover

Accepting my feelings, thoughts, flaws, wants, needs and desires

I am surfacing, breaking through, digging out of the mire

Only to find that I am me, being the best that I can be

Loving, caring, courageous, nurturing, resilient, honest, funny, strong and free

Deserving of love, respect, my own opinions, beliefs, peace and serenity

With a deeper spirituality, meditation and the healing ways of grace

I am letting go, forgiving, starting over, in a brand new place

My past is behind me, I do not know what lies ahead

Just for Today, my faith tells me

Here I Am…This is Me Instead

Copyright2011SandyMoore

 

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